Have you ever felt stuck between a rock and a hard place? 

I’m sure at one point or another, you have found yourself presented with only “bad” choices. No matter what you consider, you anticipate it’ll be emotionally taxing. Maybe you were trying to decide whether to leave a miserable job or considering if your relationship was right for you. “What if I can’t find another job?” You might ask yourself. “What if I end of being alone for the rest of my life?” These “what if” questions are often what keeps people stuck. People try to find certainty in uncertain situations before making a move, but we’re not fortune tellers and the only way forward is to accept uncertainty. 

It’s okay to be ambivalent, it’s only human. Staying with what’s familiar, even if you’re unhappy and unsatisfied, provides a sense of safety and security because you know what to expect. You know that your job will continue to have the same unreasonable expectations and what your relationship has to offer you. You already have an idea of what might happen and how you’ll respond. You’re familiar with what this feels like, even if you don’t like it. Knowing these patterns might make you feel like you have some level of control, and that control makes you feel safe. 

For some, this familiarity is more manageable than diving into the unknown. After all, how can you prepare for what you don’t know? Although this fear of the unknown is understandable, it doesn’t mean that you should stay in situations that are negatively impacting your mental and physical well-being. It also doesn’t mean that you’re incapable of change and have to settle for less. There comes a point when enough is enough and you have no choice but to be honest with yourself. Is staying stuck worth all the heartache and turmoil?   

To Stay or Go? 

There are many possibilities and decisions one can make but for simplicity’s sake, let’s say you only have two: whether to stay or go. No matter the decision, they’re both hard. However, if you zoom out and look at the bigger picture, only one of these choices allows you to move forward while the other keeps you stuck. 

If you decide to stay, you don’t allow yourself the opportunity to see what else is out there for you. You end up settling for something that is less than ideal and continue to experience the frustration, sadness, disappointment, etc. that had you contemplating a change to begin with. You remain stuck in the same cycle, repeating the same patterns, until you decide you can’t and won’t do it anymore.

If you decide to go, you must be willing to face the uncertainty and grief. You have to learn to trust yourself and that you can, and will, overcome whatever comes your way. It may be painful at first, but the heartache and fear you experience are only temporary. Feelings come and go and with time, your confidence and satisfaction will grow as you adjust to these changes. There may be many more opportunities than you realized and you will be able to create a more fulfilling life. 

Ready to take action? Here’s how you can get started: 

First and foremost, spend some time reflecting about what you want and need – not your partner, boss, colleagues, or anyone else…YOU. What is your desired outcome/goal?  

This is not to say that you shouldn’t consider others in your decision, but that your decision should not be based on what others want. You should be open to compromise whenever possible and remain respectful through these conversations, particularly if your decisions don’t align.   

If you’re not ready to leave your current situation, consider if there are changes that can be made to improve it. Perhaps this means having a conversation with those involved or challenging and shifting your own mindset. 

If you have already tried addressing it to no avail and you need to leave the situation, identify the steps that you need to take. What do you need to do to get from point A to point B, point B to point C, etc.? You must balance your emotions and logic otherwise you may end up worse off if you make an impulsive decision because you’re upset. Progress comes from small steps rather than giant leaps.  

Having a goal and creating a plan can provide some much-needed relief in and of itself as you start to feel there is an end in sight. Remain flexible and patient with the process. Don’t be afraid to seek support from those you trust. Sometimes things don’t go according to plan, and you must be willing to adjust. Some changes might be emotionally difficult and it’s important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. Just because the situation you’re leaving wasn’t working out for you doesn’t mean that you won’t feel bad about it. Take your time processing your emotions and navigating the changes. 

Still unsure about what to do in your particular situation?  

Attending therapy at Bonsai Counseling & Psychotherapy is a great place to start. We don’t and won’t tell you what to do – only you know what’s best for you. What we will do is provide the understanding, compassion, and guidance you need as you make these difficult decisions. Reach out to schedule your appointment today.